The Dark Side of International Studies: Race, Racism, and Research in International Studies

I have left international studies a thousand times in the last 15 years—in protest, in disgust, in disappointment. I have come back each time to change things in the field and discipline as well as to explore the topics that have fascinated me. Equally as important, however, I have felt that international studies has left me a 1,001 times—perhaps also in protest, in disgust, in disappointment. The outcome of this interaction has been an unsteady one, but, at present, I do not know if we will continue with one another: international studies and myself. Prompted by the ‘‘Forum on Experiences of People of Color in the International Studies Profession,’’ I will use this essay to express how I came to this point. Truth be told, I was not going to be honest in my discussion, preferring to be factual but distant. ‘‘Why bother going into any detail?’’ I thought. ‘‘Who would read it? What would change?’’ Then in a moment of liberation, stubbornness, desperation, and promotion, I figured that I would just cast the bottle into the academic abyss of non-mainstream journals and leave it at that.