Abstract :
I have left international studies a thousand times in the last 15 years—in protest,
in disgust, in disappointment. I have come back each time to change things in
the field and discipline as well as to explore the topics that have fascinated me.
Equally as important, however, I have felt that international studies has left me a
1,001 times—perhaps also in protest, in disgust, in disappointment. The outcome
of this interaction has been an unsteady one, but, at present, I do not
know if we will continue with one another: international studies and myself.
Prompted by the ‘‘Forum on Experiences of People of Color in the International
Studies Profession,’’ I will use this essay to express how I came to this
point.
Truth be told, I was not going to be honest in my discussion, preferring to be
factual but distant. ‘‘Why bother going into any detail?’’ I thought. ‘‘Who would
read it? What would change?’’ Then in a moment of liberation, stubbornness,
desperation, and promotion, I figured that I would just cast the bottle into the
academic abyss of non-mainstream journals and leave it at that.
